The Rebuttal

Exhaustion.

Its not fun being mediocre.
In your head you know you're reaching there.
But at a slower pace.
Slower than others.
You cerebrate and the insomnia is wearying.
You judge yourself.
Judge real hard.
You are clueless.
And you don't know if people care for you or pity you.
It's exhausting to keep answering.
To keep faking.
Its tiring trying to keep pace with others.
It's shattering to have expected much more out of yourself
And receive so less.
In that very moment, all the confidence seems to diminish
You don't want to victimize yourself
And you can't help but fall prey to it.
You have no other way out.
You want to get back up.
But with every passing night the broken pieces flash back.
The ones you joined.
Or faked to join.
Smiles by the day.
And tears by the night.
Unsure life plans and a frightened gut.
It's exhausting.



Impulsion

Mediocrity is ubiquitous.
You're not the only one.
Acknowledge your falls and find reasons to them.
Get the hell up.
The foreign care (sympathy?) lasts a while.
All you've got is you.
Be concerned. Very concerned about yourself.
It's not a forced life.
Own your decisions.
Face your decisions.
However wrong they are.
Be done with them.
Be damned if you're not trying hard enough.
Letting yourself down is the last thing you'd want.
No one's to blame except yourself.
No one's available to rely on except yourself.
Learn to live with your minor flaws.
Nobody is perfect.
And you are not Nobody.

Is there ?

Is there a moment where you feel like you don't have stuff to look after in the future ?
Is there a day when you know you don't have to stress about taking the right decisions ?
Is there a time where your mind feels completely free of the tasks it might need to consummate ?
Is there a chance when you feel like you have achieved all you could ever want ?
Is there a night where you sleep without thinking how much you'd have to achieve to reach your destination ?
Is there a time where the darkness of the night does not want to engulf you during hard phases ?
Is there a point where you don't feel claustrophobic under the things you need to accomplish to survive ?
Is there ? 

Road of life.

Vehicles all running at different paces
On this road.
Some speed by
While some are left behind. 
Some would be dangerously driven to stay ahead
While some halted.
Some face accidents
While some would never reach where they were supposed to.

Isn't life exactly the same ?

You may be too fast to notice others in life
Or too slow to catch up.
You may be the one who disturbs others lives to stay at the top
Or too kind to take a step back and let others stay ahead at times.
You might be the one who faced hindrances and still managed to smoothly carry on the journey
Or the one who never reached. 

Vehicles on the road or life
Irrespective of the pace, fast or slow 
Whatever the purpose
We all finally do reach our destinations.
Except the times where you're destined to never reach where you desire, but some place better...
For good.  

Grey

There's qualm,
There are times my mind is a complete chaos,
Maybe my mind wasn't created to see the black's and the white's..

It's always midway,
It's grey.

Not like I don't like grey,
But I'd love to know how it feels to have complete control over your mind and emotions..

I can't identify the blacks and react agitatedly,
Neither can I see the whites and be completely peaceful..
Maybe black's the peace and white's the agitation..
How'd I know?
I've always seen greys.

I wish decisions were facile,
And expressions easy to express,
Also, it wouldn't be a tedious task to pick,
Its always a state of confusion like this is,

It's all grey,
It's always been grey. 

Pearl Upon The Ocean

The need for perfection has chained us,
Into the shackles of insecurity

The ultimate want of being the best has moulded us,
To ignore the little pleasures of our journey here

The urge to keep up in the race of life has fooled us,
That being first is where all your happiness lies

The desperation of pretending to be happy has made us numb, 
To the reality that its normal to feel agony and express it

The habituated comparing of ourselves with others has made us believe,
That the entire world is better than us

But let us assume, for once, our life to be the ocean
And let us all be the pearls in it,
Where the pearls would be bright, shiny, faded
Or hidden deep in the ocean,
But each pearl has its own beauty
Just as each of us do,
Like a pearl upon the ocean,
Which shines bright in its own individuality...

The Mayhem Inside

You want to veil your agony,
But also know, you just need to cry it out...

You want nobody to know what battles you fight,
But also know, all you need is someone to look into your eyes & tell you they understand...

You want to be imprisoned in your own little cell,
But also know, you desperately need to break out of it...

You want to blame every single soul for your struggles,
But also know, no one but you are the sole proprietor of your desolation...

You want to think of ending your pain, your life,
But also know, that a genuine embrace is your only morphine...


And somewhere between what you want and what you know,
You find your light at the end of the tunnel,
You find your own way to shine bright through the battles that wrecked you...

Conundrum

You want them; you don't want them They heal you; they hurt you They make you smile; they make you weep Their proximity hits you ; their distance kills you They are your strength; they are your weakness They know you the most yet; they know you the least They make you love them; they make you hate them They are your paradise; they are your agony They are your relief; they are your pain They are the reason you live; they are the reason you don't want to They make you want to stay; they make you want to leave They trust you; they hold you guilty

You want to hold on; you want to let go You want them; you don't want them