Star Gazing

You loved sitting in our front yard and star gazing.
So much so that, you had made it our weekend night ritual.
It's been years since we do this,
And I've never understood what made you so happy to look at the stars.
This time, I decided to focus and find out why star gazing never felt like something new to me.
It was always too familiar. Almost like a déjà vu.
It felt like the kind of happiness I've already felt before.
Like I've looked at something so beautifully bright too.
Like I've already seen a dark sea with glistening objects, 
And then there's one out of it that's my favourite.
To let you know how I felt, I turned to you.
And this time, it was all clear in a second,
When I saw your beautiful face smiling the gorgeous smile of yours, gazing at the stars.
You were the happiness and the beautiful brightness.
You were the favourite in this dark sea.
You were my Star. All the time.
And that's the reason, gazing at these stars was never new to me.

The teachings of a Butterfly

I was reading Em and the big Hoom,
when I came upon a sentence that read
"A butterfly is banging on the windowpane
and I must now rise to let it out."
This reminded me of the numerous times
I'd observed this and how I'd always thought
about how stupid could the insect be
to not remember the little opening,
where the two windows merge,
from where it came inside, which was
hardly 2 centimetres away from
where it was struggling.
How could it not see the opening or
feel the faint incoming of wind ?
I don't know if it was the effect
this book with red and blue pages had on me
that I read all the sentences
with a different perspective.
I have a thing for pretty books. Or
is it the fact that this book was darkly funny
and about mental illness that made me think so deeply
upon a mere butterfly banging on a window.
How did I ever have the audacity to call
this insect stupid when all of us are in fact
almost always trapped in a viscous spiral
we got ourselves into ? We're the human race,
apparently, pretentiously, with the
highest amount of intelligence that any
species on this planet owns. And still,
how do we not figure out what got us where
and what harm are we doing to ourselves ?
The problems we tend to have.
The hurdles we tend to never be able to cross.
And the one's we label as unsolvable.
How do WE not see the acts that landed
us in this Gordian knot and how do WE not feel
the faint incoming of a panacea to all our problems,
which could always be right there and always had a
blind eye turned towards it ? Why did i think I belonged
to the greater, intelligent species when in fact
 I just belong to a larger, genetically evolved species?
I'm sorry, you little butterfly. Next time you're stuck,
I'd rise up and let you out of your little trap instead
of questioning your intelligence. Because,
if I was ever stuck I'd genuinely appreciate
help getting out of it, without being judged.

The Midnight Mystery.

Why is it that the things you want to say at night,
The words you managed to put together to finally say what you needed to,
Seem no more important when the day sinks in
And the words seem to have lost their ways to a perfect sentence to spill out through your mouth and lighten your heart ?

The night where you hold your most genuine feelings,
Seem equally bizarre as the sun shows up.

The things you felt so passionately about,
Things you finally mustered up the courage to share with someone,
Appear to be as unimportant as the feelings of the minuscule creature you could kill.

Why does the darkness seem to give you courage,
when the light is entitled to do just that ?

Why is it that the night brings with it all the emotions you could attach with every thought of yours,
And the day seems to shove all those emotions back into a black box never to be revealed.

Is the darkness like being drunk ?
Taking away the consciousness but giving you the courage to speak your mind.
And is the day like a hangover ?
Where you'd hold your head in dismay afraid if you opened up your heart to someone when you shouldn't have.

Why do your deepest thoughts shared at night start making you feel more and more exposed as the day kicks in ?
Is it a fear of appearing vulnerable that the day brings with it ?
Why does it feel like the thoughts shared at night would be forgotten past a good nights sleep
And the same spoken during the day were bound to give you chills ?

What mystery does the darkness hold that makes you feel fearless about sharing your feelings,
And what consternation does the day bring with it that makes you shut off, lock and throw away the keys to the box of your emotions ?

Why does the night feel like a close friend ready to listen to the words engraved on the walls of your heart,
While the day seems like someone who'd laugh at your face if you opened up to them ?

The Circle.

It's an amalgamation of
Nascency and its upshots,
Avalanches and their overcoming,
And finally the end and its cataclysm,
This life.
And among all these occurrences, apocalypses may occur disrupting and moulding the circle of life.

But also, has there ever been a perfect circle without the sharpness of a compass ?

Zone Out

Do you ever just zone out ?
Not momentarily.
Not out of boredom or fatigue.
But zone out on life ?
Like life and time just seem to pass by you.
And you stand there wanting to care but not feeling like it yet ?
You are there physically.
Also, mentally.
But partially.
You're as awake as possible.
But the mind seems to have its own mind.
You kind of start proving the "physical presence and mental absence".
Appears a little sorcerous.
You go around, interact, learn and enjoy.
But it's all in the zone.
Things are done because your body wants (has?) to.
The mind still stands still.
And later you need to go back and reevaluate all that happened, or must have.
It isn't even like you're somewhere and the mind is at a place that interests you.
It's just nowhere.
Like it just refuses to commit to your daily life.
You zone out.
Zone out on life.

IIM - Ahmedabad.

I just named this post IIM-Ahmedabad to attract readers and get more views. Just kidding. I recently had an opportunity to visit IIM-Ahmedabad and no other title or description can do justice to the magnificence of this institution. And so I hope its name suffices.

Lets begin with how I got fortunate enough to visit IIM-A. This one day my cousin, Dipen, who's the same age as mine and is also an MBA aspirant messaged me saying "IIM-A me event hai! Chalegi ?" And I obviously responded with a yes (super freaking excitedly). But also mentioned that he'd have to give me time till I get a permission from mom. The permission wasn't about if I could go or not, of course I'd be allowed for that, it was if I would be allowed to travel alone. Now the story after this isn't important. We filled forms, made payments, reached Ahmedabad and did attend the IIM-A workshops.

We stayed at our Nani's place in Ahmedabad. Now trust me, I'm being brutally honest and not exaggerating one bit. I was certainly excited when we left home for IIM-A but as we were reaching nearer to the campus, I was bloody nervous. My stomach almost churned like I was about to give a maths exam for which I hadn't even opened the book. Not like if I opened the book I'd know too much, but you get it right ?! My hands got all moist because of nervousness. I was so intimidated by IIM-A's magnificence, I couldn't keep it together. Again, not exaggerating one bit. My cousin must have thought I just went crazy or something. So then we finally reached the campus. Reported to the responsible person and got our proofs of participation, campus map (yes you need a map to roam around the campus, its humongous), and the schedule for all the workshops. We had an hour and a half before our first workshop began, which meant time to look around the campus and take pictures of every place. We took pictures like we needed a proof. Look we went to IIM-A.

And by the time the feeling of awe for the intitution started to sink in, it was time for our first workshop.
We headed to the Ravi. J Mathhai auditorium (also known as RJM auditorium) for our first workshop by IPSOS. IPSOS is a global market research company with its worldwide headquarters in Paris and France. IPSOS has offices in about 87 countries and employees approximately 16,000 people. We had 2 indian representatives from the company to give us a talk about market research. Now market research is the process of gathering information about how a consumer feels about the product they're using and the increasing or decreasing demands of the product in the market. We got information right from the conventional methods of market research till the latest methods using technology. It was genuinely enlightening.

After we were done with our first workshop, we had free time for almost two hours, which we utilized for more looking around the campus and eating. There's one mess for the students and two restaurant kind of canteens. Unexpectedly the prices were quite reasonable and completely student friendly. Even the canteens look beautiful there.

It was time for the second and the last workshop for the day. This workshop was by Prahlad Kakar. He is considered as the advertising guru of India because of his great contribution to the advertising world. He briefed us about his life and how he had reached where he is now, in the most humble way. He's 65 and genuinely the most lively person I've ever listened to. His sense of humour is impeccable. By the end of the seminar he showed us 12 of his best advertisements including some of the biggest celebrities like Amitabh Bacchan and Sachin Tendulkar. His ads were genius. Some were completely hilarious while others would touch you right in the heart. His seminar was the best one out of the 3 we attended.

And the last seminar was on the next day known as Social Beat. This was conducted by IIM-A alumni themselves. Here we were given examples of two online start-ups. And we needed to design its business models, revenue goals and business strategies. Me and my cousin finished it in half an hour. And we were quite proud of what we'd come up with. We wrote all our goals, models and strategies theoretically. And since we were so proud of it we even submitted it. Thankfully it was a seminar so there was no chance of failing but if it was an exam we were sure to get an F. The reason being, we'd ignored the amount we had to assume to start the company and our answers were all theories. When all the commerce students or MBA students started presenting theirs, they had solid figures in their answer about how every penny would be utilized. It was mind boggling, and also we were pretty ashamed of presenting our paper! BUT. We learnt and that's what's important. 

We were done with all our seminars with this and now we had the whole day to look around the campus. The library is gigantic and its ambience is of the kind where you'd just enter and you'd feel like sitting and studying! It's very well build. There's a huge freaking subway to go to the new campus from the old one! The architecture is majestically admirable. Next, we also had the chance to attend the cultural events. When you listen to the name IIM-A all you can think about is genius students and high scores. But IIM-A is not only studies. The students are talented beyond comparison. 

To sum it up, I can't thank my stars (and my cousin) enough that I came to know about these seminars on the last day before the closing of registrations and also be able to attend workshops at IIM-A. And after attending the seminars I can be sure as hell that this is certainly what I'm interested in and I want an MBA degree. Also, got a validation that my decision for choosing to do MBA in the future isn't wrong.  Now the thing is when you've visited IIM-A, and if you're an MBA aspirant, all you'll wish for is to get into this prestigious institute anyhow. When you've seen the best in the country and among the 20 best in the world, everything else seems like mediocre shit. Not like I'm not mediocre as hell, I am an average-below average student (yes, cliched under estimation) but dreams don't judge you for mediocrity or excellence before entering your eyes. It's practically impossible for me to get there but who knows what the future holds ! It's a materialistic dream and I'm a mere human. Humans are materialistic. And IIM-A will always hold the top most position on my list of dreams ( no I'm not getting all senti). 

Ciao. 

The Rebuttal

Exhaustion.

Its not fun being mediocre.
In your head you know you're reaching there.
But at a slower pace.
Slower than others.
You cerebrate and the insomnia is wearying.
You judge yourself.
Judge real hard.
You are clueless.
And you don't know if people care for you or pity you.
It's exhausting to keep answering.
To keep faking.
Its tiring trying to keep pace with others.
It's shattering to have expected much more out of yourself
And receive so less.
In that very moment, all the confidence seems to diminish
You don't want to victimize yourself
And you can't help but fall prey to it.
You have no other way out.
You want to get back up.
But with every passing night the broken pieces flash back.
The ones you joined.
Or faked to join.
Smiles by the day.
And tears by the night.
Unsure life plans and a frightened gut.
It's exhausting.



Impulsion

Mediocrity is ubiquitous.
You're not the only one.
Acknowledge your falls and find reasons to them.
Get the hell up.
The foreign care (sympathy?) lasts a while.
All you've got is you.
Be concerned. Very concerned about yourself.
It's not a forced life.
Own your decisions.
Face your decisions.
However wrong they are.
Be done with them.
Be damned if you're not trying hard enough.
Letting yourself down is the last thing you'd want.
No one's to blame except yourself.
No one's available to rely on except yourself.
Learn to live with your minor flaws.
Nobody is perfect.
And you are not Nobody.