Zone Out

Do you ever just zone out ?
Not momentarily.
Not out of boredom or fatigue.
But zone out on life ?
Like life and time just seem to pass by you.
And you stand there wanting to care but not feeling like it yet ?
You are there physically.
Also, mentally.
But partially.
You're as awake as possible.
But the mind seems to have its own mind.
You kind of start proving the "physical presence and mental absence".
Appears a little sorcerous.
You go around, interact, learn and enjoy.
But it's all in the zone.
Things are done because your body wants (has?) to.
The mind still stands still.
And later you need to go back and reevaluate all that happened, or must have.
It isn't even like you're somewhere and the mind is at a place that interests you.
It's just nowhere.
Like it just refuses to commit to your daily life.
You zone out.
Zone out on life.

IIM - Ahmedabad.

I just named this post IIM-Ahmedabad to attract readers and get more views. Just kidding. I recently had an opportunity to visit IIM-Ahmedabad and no other title or description can do justice to the magnificence of this institution. And so I hope its name suffices.

Lets begin with how I got fortunate enough to visit IIM-A. This one day my cousin, Dipen, who's the same age as mine and is also an MBA aspirant messaged me saying "IIM-A me event hai! Chalegi ?" And I obviously responded with a yes (super freaking excitedly). But also mentioned that he'd have to give me time till I get a permission from mom. The permission wasn't about if I could go or not, of course I'd be allowed for that, it was if I would be allowed to travel alone. Now the story after this isn't important. We filled forms, made payments, reached Ahmedabad and did attend the IIM-A workshops.

We stayed at our Nani's place in Ahmedabad. Now trust me, I'm being brutally honest and not exaggerating one bit. I was certainly excited when we left home for IIM-A but as we were reaching nearer to the campus, I was bloody nervous. My stomach almost churned like I was about to give a maths exam for which I hadn't even opened the book. Not like if I opened the book I'd know too much, but you get it right ?! My hands got all moist because of nervousness. I was so intimidated by IIM-A's magnificence, I couldn't keep it together. Again, not exaggerating one bit. My cousin must have thought I just went crazy or something. So then we finally reached the campus. Reported to the responsible person and got our proofs of participation, campus map (yes you need a map to roam around the campus, its humongous), and the schedule for all the workshops. We had an hour and a half before our first workshop began, which meant time to look around the campus and take pictures of every place. We took pictures like we needed a proof. Look we went to IIM-A.

And by the time the feeling of awe for the intitution started to sink in, it was time for our first workshop.
We headed to the Ravi. J Mathhai auditorium (also known as RJM auditorium) for our first workshop by IPSOS. IPSOS is a global market research company with its worldwide headquarters in Paris and France. IPSOS has offices in about 87 countries and employees approximately 16,000 people. We had 2 indian representatives from the company to give us a talk about market research. Now market research is the process of gathering information about how a consumer feels about the product they're using and the increasing or decreasing demands of the product in the market. We got information right from the conventional methods of market research till the latest methods using technology. It was genuinely enlightening.

After we were done with our first workshop, we had free time for almost two hours, which we utilized for more looking around the campus and eating. There's one mess for the students and two restaurant kind of canteens. Unexpectedly the prices were quite reasonable and completely student friendly. Even the canteens look beautiful there.

It was time for the second and the last workshop for the day. This workshop was by Prahlad Kakar. He is considered as the advertising guru of India because of his great contribution to the advertising world. He briefed us about his life and how he had reached where he is now, in the most humble way. He's 65 and genuinely the most lively person I've ever listened to. His sense of humour is impeccable. By the end of the seminar he showed us 12 of his best advertisements including some of the biggest celebrities like Amitabh Bacchan and Sachin Tendulkar. His ads were genius. Some were completely hilarious while others would touch you right in the heart. His seminar was the best one out of the 3 we attended.

And the last seminar was on the next day known as Social Beat. This was conducted by IIM-A alumni themselves. Here we were given examples of two online start-ups. And we needed to design its business models, revenue goals and business strategies. Me and my cousin finished it in half an hour. And we were quite proud of what we'd come up with. We wrote all our goals, models and strategies theoretically. And since we were so proud of it we even submitted it. Thankfully it was a seminar so there was no chance of failing but if it was an exam we were sure to get an F. The reason being, we'd ignored the amount we had to assume to start the company and our answers were all theories. When all the commerce students or MBA students started presenting theirs, they had solid figures in their answer about how every penny would be utilized. It was mind boggling, and also we were pretty ashamed of presenting our paper! BUT. We learnt and that's what's important. 

We were done with all our seminars with this and now we had the whole day to look around the campus. The library is gigantic and its ambience is of the kind where you'd just enter and you'd feel like sitting and studying! It's very well build. There's a huge freaking subway to go to the new campus from the old one! The architecture is majestically admirable. Next, we also had the chance to attend the cultural events. When you listen to the name IIM-A all you can think about is genius students and high scores. But IIM-A is not only studies. The students are talented beyond comparison. 

To sum it up, I can't thank my stars (and my cousin) enough that I came to know about these seminars on the last day before the closing of registrations and also be able to attend workshops at IIM-A. And after attending the seminars I can be sure as hell that this is certainly what I'm interested in and I want an MBA degree. Also, got a validation that my decision for choosing to do MBA in the future isn't wrong.  Now the thing is when you've visited IIM-A, and if you're an MBA aspirant, all you'll wish for is to get into this prestigious institute anyhow. When you've seen the best in the country and among the 20 best in the world, everything else seems like mediocre shit. Not like I'm not mediocre as hell, I am an average-below average student (yes, cliched under estimation) but dreams don't judge you for mediocrity or excellence before entering your eyes. It's practically impossible for me to get there but who knows what the future holds ! It's a materialistic dream and I'm a mere human. Humans are materialistic. And IIM-A will always hold the top most position on my list of dreams ( no I'm not getting all senti). 

Ciao. 

The Rebuttal

Exhaustion.

Its not fun being mediocre.
In your head you know you're reaching there.
But at a slower pace.
Slower than others.
You cerebrate and the insomnia is wearying.
You judge yourself.
Judge real hard.
You are clueless.
And you don't know if people care for you or pity you.
It's exhausting to keep answering.
To keep faking.
Its tiring trying to keep pace with others.
It's shattering to have expected much more out of yourself
And receive so less.
In that very moment, all the confidence seems to diminish
You don't want to victimize yourself
And you can't help but fall prey to it.
You have no other way out.
You want to get back up.
But with every passing night the broken pieces flash back.
The ones you joined.
Or faked to join.
Smiles by the day.
And tears by the night.
Unsure life plans and a frightened gut.
It's exhausting.



Impulsion

Mediocrity is ubiquitous.
You're not the only one.
Acknowledge your falls and find reasons to them.
Get the hell up.
The foreign care (sympathy?) lasts a while.
All you've got is you.
Be concerned. Very concerned about yourself.
It's not a forced life.
Own your decisions.
Face your decisions.
However wrong they are.
Be done with them.
Be damned if you're not trying hard enough.
Letting yourself down is the last thing you'd want.
No one's to blame except yourself.
No one's available to rely on except yourself.
Learn to live with your minor flaws.
Nobody is perfect.
And you are not Nobody.

Is there ?

Is there a moment where you feel like you don't have stuff to look after in the future ?
Is there a day when you know you don't have to stress about taking the right decisions ?
Is there a time where your mind feels completely free of the tasks it might need to consummate ?
Is there a chance when you feel like you have achieved all you could ever want ?
Is there a night where you sleep without thinking how much you'd have to achieve to reach your destination ?
Is there a time where the darkness of the night does not want to engulf you during hard phases ?
Is there a point where you don't feel claustrophobic under the things you need to accomplish to survive ?
Is there ? 

Road of life.

Vehicles all running at different paces
On this road.
Some speed by
While some are left behind. 
Some would be dangerously driven to stay ahead
While some halted.
Some face accidents
While some would never reach where they were supposed to.

Isn't life exactly the same ?

You may be too fast to notice others in life
Or too slow to catch up.
You may be the one who disturbs others lives to stay at the top
Or too kind to take a step back and let others stay ahead at times.
You might be the one who faced hindrances and still managed to smoothly carry on the journey
Or the one who never reached. 

Vehicles on the road or life
Irrespective of the pace, fast or slow 
Whatever the purpose
We all finally do reach our destinations.
Except the times where you're destined to never reach where you desire, but some place better...
For good.  

Grey

There's qualm,
There are times my mind is a complete chaos,
Maybe my mind wasn't created to see the black's and the white's..

It's always midway,
It's grey.

Not like I don't like grey,
But I'd love to know how it feels to have complete control over your mind and emotions..

I can't identify the blacks and react agitatedly,
Neither can I see the whites and be completely peaceful..
Maybe black's the peace and white's the agitation..
How'd I know?
I've always seen greys.

I wish decisions were facile,
And expressions easy to express,
Also, it wouldn't be a tedious task to pick,
Its always a state of confusion like this is,

It's all grey,
It's always been grey. 

Pearl Upon The Ocean

The need for perfection has chained us,
Into the shackles of insecurity

The ultimate want of being the best has moulded us,
To ignore the little pleasures of our journey here

The urge to keep up in the race of life has fooled us,
That being first is where all your happiness lies

The desperation of pretending to be happy has made us numb, 
To the reality that its normal to feel agony and express it

The habituated comparing of ourselves with others has made us believe,
That the entire world is better than us

But let us assume, for once, our life to be the ocean
And let us all be the pearls in it,
Where the pearls would be bright, shiny, faded
Or hidden deep in the ocean,
But each pearl has its own beauty
Just as each of us do,
Like a pearl upon the ocean,
Which shines bright in its own individuality...

The Mayhem Inside

You want to veil your agony,
But also know, you just need to cry it out...

You want nobody to know what battles you fight,
But also know, all you need is someone to look into your eyes & tell you they understand...

You want to be imprisoned in your own little cell,
But also know, you desperately need to break out of it...

You want to blame every single soul for your struggles,
But also know, no one but you are the sole proprietor of your desolation...

You want to think of ending your pain, your life,
But also know, that a genuine embrace is your only morphine...


And somewhere between what you want and what you know,
You find your light at the end of the tunnel,
You find your own way to shine bright through the battles that wrecked you...